Friendship had
always been difficult for me. I was one of those kids who found himself on the
outside looking in. I was bullied and excluded from a lot of activities. Even
though I was surrounded by many, I felt totally alone. There have been times in
adulthood where that feeling has come back but not quite as strong as it was
when I was young. I so desperately wanted to belong, to be part of something.
If there was Facebook back then I may have seen it as my way to friendship. It
may have met that need for social interaction I needed so much.
We are social creatures. From an early age we love attention. We demand it through cries and wails until a parent meets our need. We learn through play. Our learning is even greater still if we play with others. School is a social hotspot where an important part of life revolves around the friends you have. That makes it all the more difficult for those who are excluded, often for silly reasons. Our early influences are built on friendship, on those who we spend the most time with. We find ourselves liking the same things, taking part in the same hobbies and creating a social structure built on similarity. It is true to say, ‘no (wo)man is an island‘.
Still loneley
You could say
Social Media is just an extension of all these needs. Or better still Social
Media is the ultimate expression for those needs. As friends in childhood (and
before the days of Social Media) liked and sought the same things, with Social
Media those likes and dislikes are given voice but now the circle is larger. We
are no longer satisfied with a small group of friends. We become obsessed with
building friends on these platforms, with people we will never possibly meet
but still hold some influence over us.
The worry for me,
if Social Media had been around when I was young, is that I would still be
alone in a crowd. It could have increased my anxiety and feeling of loneliness.
It probably wouldn’t be the the way to friendship I’d want it to be. It could
have lead to me seeking the wrong kind of friendships.
There lies the problem, and possible danger, of Social Media. Recent studies from the last few years have shown how Social Media is affecting the mental health of our teens with Social Media being more addictive than alcohol or cigarettes. It can cause anxiety and depression as users constantly seek attention and are then devastated when that attention is betrayed or not reciprocated.
Do we need that
many friends?
Yes we are
programmed to be social but do we really need that many, so called, friends? Do
we really need to share every movement and incident? Is it helpful to express
every opinion we may hold? Social Media encourages all this and it becomes
unhealthy and damaging. Outside of Social Media, with small groups of friends,
we would never express ourselves the way we do on Facebook or Instagram. Our
sharing would be edited according to what someone needs to know. In our small
social circles we are more careful and reserved. I have read some worrying
posts on Facebook and you just know that if they had just taken a step back, or
at least thought about the consequences, they would not have sent that post.
Tact and common sense help us socialise in the real world but these seem to go
out of the window when we socialise over these media platforms.
Real friendship
I have to say,
with open heart, I never met true friendship until a few years ago my life
changed. In fact, it was that kind of friendship that drew me in. I felt loved.
I felt part of something. I belonged.
If you are seeking
friends, if you are obsessed with building that tally of ‘friends’ on Facebook
or Instagram, then take a step back and ask yourself what true friendship
requires. It should demand a kind of loyalty and steadfastness. A friend should
be someone who promises to never leave, no matter what. A friend should be
someone who is prepared to give everything for you.
Is there anyone
who can meet that standard?
There is… !
You’re challenged
to think a week about your life, about friendships, about the things that
really matters in life. You can find out more about this best friend by
participating in our 7-day programme.
Stress isn’t all in your head. It doesn’t just impact your thoughts
and attitudes. Though it often begins there, stress can have a big impact on
the health of your body and soul. And finally, it can lead to depression and
burnout.
If you’ve ever had a hard time getting out of bed or wondered
whether life is worth living, you’ve likely experienced the beginnings of
burnout. Burnout happens when you undergo excessive stress over the long-term. It’s
a feeling of complete and total exhaustion – emotionally, mentally, and
physically. It will steal your energy and leave you feeling hopeless and
helpless.
Maybe the worst part of burnout is that, though it often begins
there, it isn’t limited to your workplace. It will inevitably spill over into every
aspect of your lives. It can destroy friendships and your marriage. It
holds you back from being the parent that your child needs you to be. And it
leaves your self-worth in tatters.
I know this from first-hand experience. Two years ago, the stress of
work and school and family combined to leave me in a state of hopeless
paralysis. In the midst of that, I lost my job. There were days when I wondered
whether getting out of bed was worth the time or energy. My marriage suffered,
as did my relationships with my children. Fortunately, I recognized what I was
experiencing before it could destroy me. And that is the first step in recovering
from burnout: recognize that you have a problem.
How Do I Know If I’m
Burning Out?
We all have days when we feel overworked and underappreciated.
Feeling that way occasionally isn’t necessarily a sign of burnout. However,
when those days become the norm rather than the exception, you may be headed
down the path toward burnout.
Burnout doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a slow, creeping process
that grows worse and worse over time – especially if it isn’t addressed. The
key is paying attention to the warning signs and actively working to combat
them.
So, what are some of the signs of burnout?
Emotional Symptoms of
Burnout
Some of the first changes that you’ll notice if you’re on the road
to burnout are emotional in nature. You may have a growing sense of failure
or hopelessness. You may begin to doubt yourself or lose your sense of
self-worth. There may be moments when you feel trapped in your own body.
Conversely, you may feel detached, as if you are watching a movie of
your life rather than living it. You’ll likely find yourself thinking pessimistically
and wondering whether things will ever get better. As time goes on, you’ll find
your motivation sapped and even when things go well, you’ll find yourself
focusing solely on what could have been better.
If you look at your life and find many of the symptoms, you may be
on the path to burnout. If you continue, you will likely begin to see some of
the following physical symptoms.
Physical Symptoms of
Burnout
In addition to emotional damage, burnout can also create serious
physical problems for you. It often begins with a sense of weariness. You’ll
find that even after a good night sleep, you still feel tired. One of
the reasons for this is that burnout will often cause your sleeping and eating
patterns to change. You’ll go from being a morning person to a night out or
vice versa. You may not be able to sleep at all. And you may find that you
either want to eat more often than normal or you completely lose your
appetite. Beyond that, you may find that you’re experiencing more frequent headaches
or even muscle pain. And as time goes on, your decreased immunity can
lead you into more frequent bouts with sickness.
As time goes on, you’ll likely find an increase in these physical
symptoms if you are experiencing burnout. As your body begins to be affected by
the stress, your behavior and attitudes will likely change as well.
Other Symptoms of Burnout
If you’re experiencing burnout, you will likely find that your lack
of motivation will lead you to begin acting in different ways. You may look for
ways to avoid work through putting stuff off or coming in late and
leaving early. You’ll find yourself taking out your frustrations on
others, even those who are connected to the source of your stress. This often
leads to withdrawing from others and isolatingyourself. The pain
of broken relationships can cause you to take solace in food, alcohol, or even
drugs. If you find yourself doing these things, you are likely dealing with
some form of burnout.
Is There Hope For The
Burned Out?
Though burnout can make you feel hopeless, there is always hope.
Tomorrow isn’t set in stone. And the mistakes of our past don’t have to
determine our future successes.
I know, from experience, how exhausting and devastating that burnout
can be. I’ve been there. But I also know that there is a way through the clouds
of stress and burnout. I’ve gone through that fire and reached the other side.
And I can tell you, as someone who thought he would never make it another step,
that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope on the other
side.
So, how was I able to push through and reach that other side? It was
only possible with time and some of the following steps.
Develop and Maintain Close Relationships
We, as human beings, are relational creatures. We thrive when we
have strong connections to others. And this isn’t just folklore. Research has
proven that people with strong friendships and family ties are happier,
healthier, and more likely to find success.
These kinds of deep relationships are never more important than when
we find ourselves going through burnout or depression. The dangerous thing
about both burnout and depression is that when we go through them, we tend to
withdraw from others. This only worsens our condition.
Because of this, you’ll need to be intentional about building and
maintaining strong relationships when you find yourself in a season of burnout.
Make plans to get breakfast or lunch with friends that you can trust. Find
someone you have confidence in that you can confess your experiences to and who
will listen to you without judgment.
These are the kind of deep relationships that will not only preserve
you during difficult seasons, they will carry you through to the other side.
In saying this, I’m speaking from a place of experience. When I went
through my time of burnout, I was tempted to run away. In fact, there were days
when I locked myself in my room and shut my phone off so I wouldn’t have to
face anyone. But I eventually realized that I was only spiraling downward. So,
I followed the exact advice I’ve given you here: I found three or four close
friends and began to share my life with them.
Our meetings weren’t always comfortable, and I often didn’t look
forward to them. But afterward, I would feel as if a burden had been lifted. I
would walk away knowing that I wasn’t alone. And that went a long way toward
helping me get through that difficult season.
Take Care of Yourself
During periods of burnout and stress, you’ll often find yourself
losing your appetite and unable to work up the energy to exercise. As I’ve
already mentioned, this is one of the primary physical symptoms of burnout. But
it’s not just a symptom of it, it can actually make your burnout even worse.
As your diet changes – usually for the worse – and as you lose the
motivation to exercise, your body and mind will be negatively affected. During
my bout with burnout, I started eating more than normal. I’d go through the
cabinets, searching for something sweet to drown out my pain. My weight quickly
increased, my health suffered, and my burnout worsened.
Although it might not seem like it, taking care of yourself
physically is key to overcoming mental exhaustion and burnout. I didn’t realize
just how much my body was contributing to my burnout until a close friend
encouraged me to pay more attention to my diet and exercise. Once I started cutting
out a lot of the sweets and put an exercise routine in place, I found that the
state of my body and mind improved. And thankfully, I had friends who kept me
accountable. They asked me how I was doing with my diet and even went walking
with me on a weekly basis. This made a world of difference in staying
consistent in these things.
Keep Perspective
When you’re in the middle of a season of burnout or intense stress,
you tend to lose sight of the bigger picture. I can remember feeling like my
entire world was crumbling when I went through that time in my life. It felt as
though I had lost everything. And there was a lot that had changed. But someone
gave me the wise advice of focusing on the things that hadn’t changed.
Focusing on the stable things in life can help you no matter what
you’re going through. When chaos is erupting at work or your relationship with
your spouse is rocky, find something that hasn’t changed and hold on tightly to
it. Remember, life is unstable and involves change after change. But there are
a handful of things that don’t change.
This is one of the reasons that Alcoholics Anonymous encourages
people who want to get out of alcoholism to have a belief in a higher power. An
unchanging higher power gives us something to hold onto in the middle of life’s
storms. It can also help us as we seek a perspective that looks beyond tomorrow
and into the distant future.
This was one of the most important parts of overcoming burnout for
me. When my entire life seemed to be falling apart, I believed that there was a
larger plan. I believed there was a higher power that was holding everything in
place. And I was had faith that, in the end, he would see me through.
This faith carried me through my burnout and led me to a place where
I’m able to look back on that time with thanksgiving. I’m not thankful that I
had to go through such a dark season. But I am thankful for the lessons that I
learned there and the strength that I gained. I’m thankful that I’m now able to
have more confidence than ever that burnout and depression and stress don’t
have the final say.
If you’d like to learn more about how you can experience the same
transformation that I did – by overcoming your burnout – I would encourage you
to click the link below and begin your journey.
Don’t let stress have the final say. There is hope!
If you want to live a successful life, first you have learn what is succes for you. What do you want to achieve in life? Is it wealth? Friendship? Or do you want people to remember you long after you die?
Determine the purpose of your life
Have you ever seriously thought about the purpose of your life? What is the meaning of life and what is your role in it? If you haven’t already thought about it, this website may help you discover the purpose of your life.
Do you have a financial goal? Do you want to build a successful business or buy a nice house and a fancy car? Perhaps your goal is to add meaning to the lives of other people. If you are creative and smart, your goal may be to find solutions to problems that have not yet been solved.
Another goal for your life may be to make sure that you and your family are taken care of. Maybe you have other goals in life, or maybe you don’t have a goal and just live day to day.
If you want to think about the goals in your life, make sure you can think them over in a quiet place. Take your time and find a place where you can organize your thoughts. Go into nature or find a quiet, tidy place somewhere else. Use some paper and a pen to write down your thoughts. Turn off your computer or phone.
2. Start close to yourself
Achieving your goals in life often starts close to yourself. Consider what you are good at and what you enjoy doing. Things you like to do are easier to sustain and give you more energy than things you do not feel passionate about. Thinking about what gives you energy will help you determine how you can become successful.
3. Search for your goal yourself
To discover your goal in life, it is best to search for it by yourself. You can let someone else help you, but in the end, it is your life!
Don’t stop! Learn something new every day. Even when you are done with traditional school, the school of life continues. New stages of life require adjustment, so continued learning is necessary. Stay curious about new ideas and new frameworks.
After setting your goal and reminding yourself about it regularly, you may find that your life goal changes over the years. That’s not a problem at all; it’s just part of life and learning. Perhaps your goal will shift from a material goal (a successful company, for example) to another life goal.
4. Think outside the box
Chances are you have been living for a long time in a fixed routine with fixed frameworks. Because of what you learned at school and at home, you tend to think in circles. It doesn’t hurt to occasionally think “outside the box”. Putting all obstacles aside and starting with a clean slate can be very refreshing. Use your imagination and intuition to clarify your goals.
If obstacles still arise in your thoughts, try to ask yourself where they come from. Is it the fear of the unknown? Is it because you have been disappointed about certain things in the past? Is it necessary to hold on to these experiences or fears, or can you obtain a fresh perspective on the matter?
5. Write down your goals
If you have thought carefully about your goal(s) and what you consider success, write it all down. A busy life and daily worries can dilute your plans and cause you to lose focus over time. Write your goals in a few short words or sentences on a sheet of paper and keep it in a place where it will be easy to find. If you still have a paper agenda, you can write your notes there. If you work with a digital agenda, set your goals as a recurring appointment in your calendar.
6. Get started
If you have a clear focus, get started. Don’t daydream. Don’t keep talking about your plans. Just start acting. If your plan is big and ambitious, make sure you cut it down into smaller steps that are clear and feasible.
Don’t let things happen to you. Take steps to reach your goal yourself.
Don’t get distracted by side issues. Sometimes you may worry about completely unimportant matters. Try to stay sharp and separate the minor issues from the main issue. Do you need all of your routines? Identify problems that require a lot of time and energy but don’t add much value to your life, then try to solve them as quickly as possible.
7. Ask for help from others
Trust yourself, but don’t overestimate your abilities. Determine what you are good at and what gives you the energy to continue. By sharing your plan with others, you may find the energy you need to keep going.
Listing what you are and aren’t good at can help you gather people around you who will complement you. You don’t want a group of people who are all good at the same thing you are, but who each have their own specialty that they are enthusiastic about. This applies not only to business goals but also to personal relationships.
Keep the peace and don’t fight with others. Be clear about the goals you want to achieve and how someone else can help. If one person cannot fully subscribe to your goal, it is better to ask for help from someone else who shares your goal.
Keep your appointments with others. Nothing is more annoying than someone who does not meet their appointments or delays them each and every time. It frustrates others and often leads to the end of a collaboration. Make sure your appointments are feasible and always communicate to others when you cannot fulfil a commitment.
8. Be positive and hold on!
Don’t feel bad if you fail to take a step towards your goal. Take some time to distance yourself from the failure and process your disappointment by doing something else or talking about it with others. Maybe they have experienced the same thing and can offer the solution to your problem.
It is not effective to blame others for your failures. Learn from your mistakes and try to find out what you could have done or what you still can do to make your plan work.
Don’t just give up on your plan. Make commitments to yourself and write down your goals (see Tip 5).
9. Work hard, but maintain balance
Without hard work, most goals are not achieved. But it’s also important to maintain balance in your life. When you keep on running, chances are you will burn out at any given moment. Consider including a rest day in your week: one day when you can distance yourself from your daily activities. This will help you recover your energy and gain new ideas. It will also give you the peace and space you need to reflect on your plans and goals.
Saying no can also ensure balance. Nowadays there is a lot going on and you can easily feel like you are missing out on opportunities if you don’t participate. Consider whether the things you are asked for are worth your time. After all, work isn’t a goal in itself.
If you have a family, think about the value of your relationships. Do you have children? What do you want to give them in life? How much time and energy can you spare for your family, and are you prepared to save part of your energy to invest in your family and other relationships?
10. Don’t always look at the successes of others
In a time when social media seems to be an indicator of success, it is best not to let your self-esteem be determined by the success of others. After all, on social media, usually only the most beautiful side of life is exposed: beautiful pictures and nice events. You rarely read on social media that someone has failed or that someone is depressed.
It can help to have a role model: someone who is further down the road to achieving the same goal in life. But don’t forget that this person also has his or her challenges in life, challenges that you may never hear about as an outsider. Therefore, looking at the successes of others can have a demotivating effect.
11. What if something goes wrong?
If your plan or a step towards your goal seems to fail, it can make you afraid or angry. Try counting to ten (or higher) and distancing yourself from what you are doing. If possible, sleep on it before taking further steps. The problem may look much easier to solve tomorrow. By distancing yourself, your view often becomes broader, making it easier to oversee the problem. Maybe the solution is closer than you thought!
If you are seized by fear because you cannot fully oversee your problem, ask yourself why you are feeling afraid. What is the worst thing that can happen and how big is the chance that it will happen? Discussing your concerns with someone else can often be very relieving. The other person may be able to look at your problems from a different angle. Fear is destructive and often leads you to make wrong decisions.
No clear goal in your life?
Many people don’t yet have a goal in life, so don’t feel bad if you are also having a hard time discovering your ultimate life goal. Challenge yourself to think about this some more!
Need help? Visit this website to learn how you can discover your life goal in seven days (Think One Week)!
How can we determine the value of human life? There are several appoaches to value life. Most of them assume that a person has died. What was the value of that dead person when he or she could have lived, and what would be the (financial) value of the remaining part of his or her life? How can we compensate the loss of a loved one to the relatives? What amount of money is enough to replace the grief of the loss?
Economic value of human life
Despite all dilemmas, many calculations have been made worldwide about the financial value of a life. The amounts range from about $ 40,000 to $ 10,000,000 for a lifetime. These amounts are used by insurance companies, courts and the like.
Slavery and trafficking
In case of slavery or human trafficking, a life is valued on the market. How much labor can a slave do, how good is a girl to be a prostitute, how healthy is he or she, and what is the life expectancy? Can you comprehend how we as humans are able to use other people in exchange for our own wealth?
Other moral issues
What will you do when there is an emergency situation? What is the value of a life when there is danger? Some people will go until the end to save someone else’s life. Even at the expense of their own life. Yet this does not happen so often. How would you react in an emergency situation?
Usually, we are willing to put our lives at risk for a loved one. You will put your own life at risk for your children. But what about a complete stranger?
Does it matter to you whether the other person has done something wrong or maybe harmed a loved one? Would you be willing to do something in a dangerous situation for someone you don’t like at all?
The value of a life in an emergency situation
It is not only in emergency situations that people’s lives are valued. Every day we make decisions that can influence the life of others. Companies try to save costs and sometimes risk the lives of their employees. Was the saving of several thousands of dollars really worth it when an accident happens? By driving recklessly, we risk the death of another in a traffic accident. Is saving 5 minutes of your time in traffic really worth that?
What is the value of your life when you are old? Can you be valuable to others by helping them? Or are you in need of help and feel worthless? Is that really true?
Quite some tough life questions. I hope all these would be much clearer to you when you take some time to think about the value and meaning of your life…
Ever wonder who’s actually in control of your life? We live our lives, work and play. Our hard work often is appreciated by an income so we can provide ourselves a good meal or even more. The love we give to our loved ones will often be rewarded by love in return.
We plan what we want to do, decide on the course that our lives will go. We study hard at school and in university and then pursue our dreams. We make our choices of who to marry, where to live and which job we want to have.
I’m in control!?
We always seem to catch up with our plans. Yes, we believe we can have whatever we set our hearts on. We can live our dreams. We are in control. And that’s true. Hum!!! But who really is in control here!
Then after we have built our empires, lived our dreams and lives the way it seem good to us, we suddenly realize that life is more than all that we ever imagined it to be. Then life makes us to begin to wonder and ponder; who’s is in control here!
Losing control
Along the way, we sometimes loose our loved ones. We even sometimes loose the empire we have built. Most of the time, death, losing, sickness and challenges of life that we cannot even explain come at us. Often it ruins the life we have built. Then we begin to blame providence, we wonder what is going on. We come to realize that we are not the actual person in control of life and even of our estates. Then we are prone to ask; who’s in control here anyway!
Sometimes, this realization comes too late. It comes at the expense of our loved ones. It even comes at the expense our lives. When the cheeks are down and the sun seem not be shinning bright over our lives.
Learn before it’s too late
But how come that man does not learn from the past? How is it that we don’t learn from history!
The greatest the world has ever produced, thought at one time that they were in control. Most of them realized too late that they were just instruments in the hands of an invisible force that they cannot explain but can never deny. Is that the force that’s actually in control here?
It seems like you and I are acting out a script, an already written script, even though we may never be aware of it. Wouldn’t it be better to just find out now who’s is actually in control here!
Is there someone behind the scene who’s running things and running our lives the way it was meant to be?
I have recently been watching some old episodes of “Friends” on Netflix. The theme song became very well-known in the mid 90’s and is still one of the most popular tracks of music worldwide. The theme song “I’ll be there for you” by the Rembrandts got me thinking. Who is the “I” in the “I’ll be there for you?”
The world is a tough and challenging place and many people in countries from all walks of life are questioning what it going on around them. In the theme song from the popular comedy, the “I” was a friend, one of many or all of many friends who will be there for each other and you. However, the truth is not quite that simple, is A good friend always there for you?
Who can you trust with your questions?
Can you trust others with the questions that worry you? Who is to say the good friend you think you can rely on is not really giving you the right answers? Real friends should know us well but even I know that that is not always quite so. Social pressures impact us all and even those we think are there for us are impacted but in a different way. In truth, we need impartial advice, so where do we go?
Many will turn to a professional. Counselling and even psychics have become good business models in the strained world we live in. We all want a way out or to know the future. Many of us are so desperate that we turn to unknown people who claim they can help us or can at least help us untangle the mixed up messages we have inside. Some people are quite open with the fact they are “getting help” to cope and others keep it a secret. Does any of this really mean these people, these experts, are there for you?
A happy pill
More “happy pills” are being prescribed than ever before. There are countless energy drinks on the market that give us a buzz and we try to fix our problems physically with some drug or other. Doctors see growing numbers of sick patients with “stress related” problems than ever before. Doctors and Red Bull become the “I” in the “there for you” but again it is not the solution.
New Age thinking and Eastern Religions have some great ideas behind them and much of this has become commercialised to create another “I” in the I’ll be there for you. These come very close to being the perfect “I” and much of what is practiced is actually quite helpful.
Meditation and positive thinking are both massive when it comes to solving life’s problems but again there is always something missing, something within you something you can feel, that real friend that person, being with all the answers. We just can’t quite find it.
Instant fix
The trouble is that we all want an instant fix today. We don’t want to wait for answers we need to press a button to get a fix to our problems. The simple truth is that we have lost patience and lost faith in society and even ourselves. This is why the world is messed up, this is why many struggle, this is why many people do not have their “I’ in I’ll be there for you.
However there is an “I” we can all have, but we have to make our own “I” smaller to accept it. We have to submit and have faith in an unknown source. We submit to doctors, quacks and friends we are not entirely certain of, so why can we not submit to one more unknown?
There is one solution, it is not an instant fix but that is not to say an instant fix cannot happen. It does require an open mind but at the same time a mind that has to be closed off to much of the world. It does require trusting ourselves and it does provide the ultimate “I” who will always say “I’ll be the there for you and it is written down as a guarantee.
Where to find a friend you always can trust on?
The popping question is where to find a that friend, the “I” in the ultimate “I’ll be there for you”? There is one present friend in times of need. Do you want to find out more about this friend? Then start your 7-day discovery tour…
Based in Cape Town, South Africa Matt Newnham is a writer who has a cup that is always a little more than half full. Matt is passionate about life and success and his writing has earned him the title “The Master of Emotional Appeal” as he manages to find the true heart and human feeling of almost any subject. Matt is the Author of the children’s book series “Space Ranger Fred“. Follow Matt on Twitter @MattNewnhamZA , on Facebook and on his website www.mattnewnham.co.za
